Women 28 -year -old unmarried pregnancy mother advises the abbots to abandon the abortion because there are no boys in the family who wants to give birth to her own blood

Abstract: Recently, a number of provinces have issued new marriage and childbirth policies, including the cancellation of marriage restrictions and allowing unmarried fertility measures to cause widespread discussion.Five years ago, a girl Gao Xiaojun, a master of sociology studying at East China Normal University, paid attention to the heterosexual female group who took the initiative to choose single fertility.

From 2018-2020, she interviewed 22 single mothers in big cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and lived in several people’s homes, completed an academic research papers, and tracked it to now.She sets the scope in the middle class, trying to see how women with certain economic conditions make such decisions, and what will be unable to resolve the difficulties.

She found that these mothers rarely show regrets, basically can self -rationalize many external interference, and feel that they have the strength to take care of their children. To some extent, they have solved their emptiness. Fortunately, there are many traditional marriages.However, many dark faces still surpass their expectations, and even behind the seemingly enlightened support, the concession made based on the blood veins.

This allowed her 26 -year -old and she had not yet married, updated her understanding of "capital", and also had a different perspective of herself and her family.The following content is organized according to Gao Xiaojun’s narration and thesis and other related information.

Wen | Luo Xiaolan

Edit | Mao Yijun

As soon as I entered school, I determined to study single fertility.I grew up in a divorced family, and my mother took me, from the township to the city.I think women’s single fertility is a very creative path choice. In the existing studies, there are a small amount of focusing on rural areas and underlying classes. I mainly study women in cities with fixed capital.

But I wanted to give up.This is a niche issue in China, and there are no such people around me.I spent half a year looking for someone until I entered the field through the recommendation of the line.

From 2018-2020, I deeply exposed 22 single women.They mainly live in first-tier cities. They are basically only daughters in the family. They are 27-42 years old. They are mostly bachelor’s degrees. There are also master doctors. Most of the annual salary is 200,000 to 300,000.

The information of the single mothers during the interview with Gao Xiaojun.Territor drawing

They wanted to talk about it.I went to field interviews in 5 cities including Shenzhen and Guangzhou, including Shanghai where our school was located, and lived in a few mothers’ homes.In the past, my understanding of them was relatively rigid and blurred, and the image of the elite female image had a new cognition after the interview.

They have previously tried an intimate relationship and expectations for marriage.The oldest is a 42 -year -old workplace woman. Honachabus is studying in famous domestic schools. Later, she was a middle -level manager in state -owned enterprises with an annual salary of nearly 500,000. She had real estate in Beijing.She said that she was busy studying and work before. She didn’t think much about love. After 30 years of age, the blind date was much lower than her conditions. She still hoped to have love.The decline in fertility also made her feel anxious, and finally decided to have a single fertility through auxiliary reproductive technology.When I interviewed her, she had just finished the eggs, but then she didn’t make progress smoothly. I didn’t ask much.

Most respondents were pregnant in the intimate relationship before marriage, and interrupted the process of marriage due to contradictions between the partners or their families.

Mandy was 33 years old and was a purchasing manager in Shenzhen.She is delicate and cute, her voice is not loud, but she is full of confidence and clearly.She has been with her boyfriend for more than two years and has a stable relationship, but when she is about to discuss marriage with the other family after pregnancy, her boyfriend’s mother proposed to prioritize the gender of the child. The boyfriend also followed her mother and she left directly.

Among these mothers, there are two youngest people, 27 years old, in Guangzhou, and children are 1 year old.When you want to get married, a man’s family directly said that there was a boy who accepted, "Anyway, pregnancy has no loss to his son."Another man’s parents felt that unmarried fertility was ashamed, and he had to jump off the building to oppose marriage.At first, her boyfriend was firm and even begging for kneeling. Later, her attitude changed greatly and hacked her.She was a miracle because she had performed surgery.She was so sad that she went to the hospital to prepare a miscarriage, but the doctor did not recommend that the child was over for a long time. With fetal movement, she was reluctant.

A young single mother.Territor drawing

A mother in Jinan is 10 years older than her boyfriend and pregnant after being proposed.When communicating about marriage, the man’s family asked his daughter -in -law to look down and eyes, because he did not accept the age difference between the two, proposed only registration, not giving colorful gifts, and not having a wedding.The boyfriend thought it was okay, she felt disrespect and refused to get married.

A Changsha mother originally had a marriage object, because the other family was an official. She said that she could be said by his father for two days. She felt a big stone in her chest and was going crazy.Two days before receiving the certificate, she regretted it and later went to overseas sperm bank to choose sperm.There are also mothers with a monthly salary of 30,000 to 40,000. They do not want to bundle each other with marriage. They agreed with their partners to be friends for life. If they raise children, "one aunt is not enough to ask two, and three aunts are enough to pay for three aunts."

They are looking forward to marrying those who love each other and can get along with each other’s family equally, but when traditional patriarchal norms require themselves to be a obedient wife and daughter -in -law, they do not want to compromise and feel that they do not have to enter the framework of marriage to damage themselves.Essence

They felt the conflict between love and marriage, and finally adjusted their expectations and turned to a more important thing -to become a mother.However, there are also age differences. A little young woman will be tangled, worrying that having children, and it is difficult to enter the mainstream marriage in the future.

Seeing the disrespect of the man’s family, Mandy hesitated to get married and went to the country to disperse.She analyzed her strong personality, and the same is true of the other mother’s mother.And her boyfriend is not as good as when she is in love. She is more inclined to his family. The two families of marriage will interfere with her life. In the future, there will be many contradictions. She cannot accept it.

But she was 32 years old when she was pregnant. She felt that if she did not give birth now, she might not be able to regenerate in the future.The work was relatively easy to work before. I went to a business trip for one or two weeks every month. By the way, I can go shopping with friends and drink afternoon tea.But she felt that life was not pinned, and the child eventually became her goal of life.

Some of these women should have it, and sometimes there is a sense of nothingness.The feathers of the marital life of the surrounding people make them difficult for them to trust the marriage, but they feel that the intimacy and relationship that children can provide are the value that is difficult to obtain in a risk, uncertainty and rational society.Some mothers say that this senior function given women cannot be wasted.

Determining single fertility, Mandy’s first thought was to help himself to bring his children, and then considers his economic ability.Her parents will provide help as much as possible. She didn’t think what her child’s father could do, and he directly calculated whether her salary could support the cost of raising children.Her annual salary is 200,000, and she has real estate with her parents, and there is no problem at raising children alone.Later, after the man’s family knew that the child was a boy, he used 2 million gifts and house gifts as a gift. He hoped that the two sides would marry. Mandy was unmoved.

In addition, they will see if they are psychologically prepared.Mandy has considered the responsibility of the child for a lifetime, but it is not to protect the elders. They have their own life in the future and may not return anything.After all kinds of thinking, she still felt that she could have children alone.Someone decided to choose a cat after choosing a sperm and felt the responsibility of taking care of and caring for life.

In the mainstream culture of Chinese society, single fertility is facing different degrees of institutional obstacles, lack of protection, cultural stigma and fertility punishment.Before giving birth, Mandy was also afraid that the child could not get the hukou. She went to consult and investigate specifically and found that her Shenzhen was settled in a single child.

In addition, she was not sure if she had to collect social support for social, thinking that she had to give birth even if she wanted to be fined.In the end, Mandy did not pay a fine, and successfully got a hukou for the baby, and got maternity insurance.

Because some mothers did not get a marriage certificate, their children could not get a hukou. They took laws and regulations to read them one by one. Someone went several times and finally completed it.In 2017, Zhang Meng, the party of the "First Case of Domestic Unmarried Fertility Application for Maternity Insurance", applied for maternity insurance from the Sub -district Office in Shanghai because it did not give birth during marriage, failed to provide proof of planning of family planning, and did not meet the requirements.Refuse.She spent 5 years in lawsuits, and went through the first trial, second trial and even application for retrial.In the end, the lawsuit was deadlocked, and the application in practice appeared. She led the insurance in 2021.

Some people also consider that there are only tens of thousands of dollars, and the legal process is too tortured and give up.But in general, they have a strong autonomy, strive to fight for public power, collect related news, and go to single mothers’ public welfare organizations as volunteers.

There are many difficulties they did not expect to truly bred and raise children alone.

A younger sister in his early 30s did not know that he was pregnant, drinking alcohol, and the doctor said that he had a fetal.She lay on the bed for a month and became red during the period. At that time, she was separated from her partner. Only friends came to take care of her.After the child is born, compared to the mainstream core families, single -born women undertake more economic pressure and care responsibility.

When Zhang Meng worked before, he left home for 12 hours a day and took care of his aunt.After school alone, the aunt took the child to take care of her home at more than 7 pm, and it was about 3,000 per month.During the epidemic, she was unemployed, and her father was sick.She said that because of the poor economic situation and gender and age discrimination, she has not found a job since last year.However, she feels good.

Interview target Rena.Territor drawing

Although the labor market has given these mothers’ economical confidence, in order to take care of their children, they must make concessions to a certain extent.During the interview, Rina was 30 years old and the child was 4 years old.She is very ambitious and capable in her career. She works across multiple fields and has her own coffee brand and education workshop.After having a child, she adjusted her work from offline to online, and she also gave up the accumulation of people in the past. She returned to Shenzhen from Beijing and Shanghai to facilitate her parents to look at the children when they were on a business trip.

Faced with the child every day, she had a feeling of watching him vomiting. Six months ago, the child went to bed to him.When I was a field, I was invited to live in her house for a while.It was a summer vacation at the time. She had a conference call at home. Although she repeatedly agreed, her son still made a voice from time to time, expressing that she could not play with her mother. She could only explain to her job partner.But she didn’t think it was a compromise, but as a proactive adjustment.

A single mother in Shanghai is engaged in the advertising industry. In order to solve her daughter’s reading problem in Shanghai, she wanted to enter school through social security points, but it was stipulated that it was not possible to violate the planning regulations at the time.She wants to buy a house and can provide a marriage certificate.For a while, her daughter became the same left -behind child as her.Later, she bought a house in the surrounding cities and picked up her children and parents from her hometown.But for a long commute time, she resigned and started a business again.

In the context of lack of parenting social security, whether women are in marriage or not are the direct subjects of childcare care.For professional women, work and nurturing are often difficult to both.But in comparison, the male and the men’s parents are missing, and single mothers still have heavier pressure.However, Mandy also said that even if he walked into the marriage, many men did not accompany their children, either busy, or playing with their mobile phones, and felt that taking care of children is the responsibility of mothers.

Cultural discrimination is another obstacle.Single fertility is a challenge to traditional sex, marriage, and fertility. These single mothers will face more or less cultural stigma, and families are the windows where they directly feel its window.

A mother of Jinan was 38 years old and became the director of the group department.After childbirth, the child put her hukou in her hometown, and her relatives basically did not know.She did not dare to go back when she was confinement, for fear of bringing pressure on public opinion.Her mother couldn’t accept it, and she always wanted to match her to marry her ex -boyfriend.

The process of changing is difficult. She repeatedly told her mother that because her sister and brother did not respect her, she also asked her to be docile.But the mother couldn’t listen to it, and contacted her boyfriend, and put him into the house until she was going to break her mother and daughter.

As far as these single mothers I have contacted, they will mention the gender factors of children, and the stigma felt in China and the West is relatively strong.However, most of the interview objects do not have this sense of shame. They are relatively strong. "Someone comes to me, and I am not easy to mess with."Mandy felt proud, and he told people around him that he felt that there would be no gossip.

I think that only a woman with a certain economic strength can self -build the legitimacy of single fertility behavior. From this perspective, it can be said that the status of the middle class has made up for the shame of non -marriage.

Single mothers meet in the Mid -Autumn Festival and invite Gao Xiaojun to eat together.Territor drawing

The lack of duty is also a question that needs to be answered.The samples may be limited. The children of my interview target are mostly 1-3 years old, and I have not issued questions about where my father is.Most of the respondents said that they had imagined this situation and did a good job of psychological construction. At that time, they would tell their children the truth.

When Rena’s child went to kindergarten, she sent the teacher to the picture book "Super Family -Various Home".Later, the teacher said that the child’s perspective was simple. Some people introduced that their family members include dogs, and Rina’s son said that my mother and my grandmother lived together.

Family cultural concepts believe that father is essential.These women feel that there are sufficient love and care for children to give their children sufficient love and care to make up for this lack.As for how the father’s role replace it, some people say that they are handed over to their grandfather, or they invite male friends.But not all unmarried mothers can meet such conditions.

A single mother was worried that the child was robbed and broke off with the man.A mother even said that she would sterilize, because she found that the child would judge the party without fertility.In another case, the other party is neither willing to be born nor to bear the responsibility for breeding.In order to reduce the economic burden, the youngest Guangzhou mothers strive for support for the help of law.One of the men’s family is the locals who have to face face. Through the Women’s Federation, 300,000 are given one at a time. I hope that the child has never appeared.

On the other hand, they say that single fertility is also good.For example, there are more autonomy in education and daily care, and no father -in -law interfere with his parenting.At the same time, they avoid the role of women’s wives, daughter -in -law and other role obligations to women, such as taking care of her husband and in -laws, and considering his family.

Many single mothers are still "fortunate."Some people say that children have cured empty illnesses and are more motivated to work.Some people have experienced a wonderful love that allows themselves to grow more.Mandy is lucky because he has more time to get along with his parents after fertility.This purchasing manager spoke with a gas field. Only when he talked about the support of his parents, his voice choked and burst into tears several times.

The parents’ ideas are more open and support her not getting married and giving birth to a child.In my field, not every parent is like this. Someone wants to choose a good child. After the parents persuaded, they even asked relatives to have a child to raise her.Mandy also said that her parents felt that she was relatively acceptable than she was not married.

Worried that parents were too hard to take their children, Mandy hesitated halfway.In China’s long -term culture, few maternal families assume all the duties of fertility and care.Two -thirds of interview objects have received intergenerational support for their parents, but most of them will spend a long time to describe their guilt to their parents.

It is very subtle that some single mothers can get support of their parents because of the continuation incense in the patriarchal concept.A single mother was pregnant at the age of 28 and wanted to have a miscarriage but was discouraged by her mother. One of the reasons was that her family had no boys, and the child she gave birth to her own blood.The other two single mothers can finally accept it, and some children follow the surname of the woman.

Mandy lives with her parents after giving birth. Parents are the main force of the child. The child’s milk powder and clothing are mainly due to her responsibility. She can also have her own life, such as putting her son out at home to play.During her growth, her parents provided her with good economic conditions. When she was 18 years old, she gave her a house of more than 100 square meters as gifts to encourage her to be free to be herself.

It is difficult for women to get such support, or they think it cannot bring ideal support, and will use the power of the market.Zhang Meng lived in the same community with her parents, but because of the disagreement of educational concepts, she has found aunt for parenting since confinement.

Economic capabilities make them have more resources to help parenting, such as hiring Yueyu and parenting.In addition, there are "sisters mutual help" group, what sperm banks are exchanged, how to avoid children from being snatched, how to fight for support, and so on.In Shenzhen and Guangzhou, familiar mothers will give their children’s clothes, some take turns to help take care of several children on the weekend, some come to take care of mothers during pregnancy, provide economic help, and use cold chain to post breast milk to lack of milk to milk.Mother.

Single mother -in -law chanted each other, and the children were playing together.Territor drawing

Some people can only rely on themselves.A mother was deceived to marry, and after giving birth, she found that the other party had a family. Even her mother -in -law and the sales office staff when they bought a wedding room were played by the other party and cheated her 600,000.Like being split by thunder, she said, "The birth of this child is sin."Her parents also pointed at her, fearing that relatives in the same community saw it, not let her and her children go home, and discussed the child to give away the child.

She is Shanghai Drifting, age 30+. She used to be proud of her. She felt a lot of contributions to her family and helped buy a house for her brother.Later, I found that these could not be changed, and it was very negative.My parents helped at first, but I always wanted to control her.Now she takes a child alone and buy a set of rooms in Shanghai by herself.She did not blame herself, and said that she did her best to love her daughter, and she was going to work hard to change the two -bedroom room.She won the lawsuit of cheating, but it was too difficult to recover money.

Most of the single mothers interviewed are standard urban middle -class women, and have capital that does not enter the traditional marriage and family fields.This is also the point that makes me blame -research only confirms that "the life of rich people is simple and happy."I fell into the mortar, and I felt that women had to be independent and live a happy and happy life.

In fact, I really interviewed about 30 people. Others did not have similar conditions, or were too passive to give birth. I don’t know how to deal with it. The tangled time is longer than writing the paper.The mother who was deceived, I did not write her into the paper, worried about increasing her shame with this group.

Seeing them in the predicament to break through and struggle, I feel powerless.At that time, it is limited by age, experience and ability. If it is done now, I will present all those complex and dark things.

When Gao Xiaojun was doing the field in Guangzhou, a photo of her interview was taken.Territor drawing

Because of various factors, after graduating from graduation, I did a real estate agency and wanted to make money to buy a house in Shanghai.Although the performance area was the first and the monthly salary was 100,000, the earnings of money quickly made me feel the pain of cramps, and people were alienated.After more than a year, the previous curse broke out. I also participated in some public events to be volunteers. I realized that people of different levels have their own strength and recently resigned.

I understand my mother better.In order to work, she sent me to a boarding school since I was in the fourth grade of my elementary school. I used to resent her.Because I did not choose a stable job after graduation, coupled with the communication problem, the two of us had been in the Cold War for more than half a year.Now she will also let me read a blog, or be a teacher, and get married and have children steadily.

I am from Shandong. The old home is more traditional.Now I will also tease myself. The unemployed tourist who has not entered the system and resigned in my hometown should be like rotten vegetables in my hometown.In fact, I just tried to find my way out, struggling straight, and wanted to do meaningful things.After doing the field, with this mother -in -law observation, I feel that there is no choice for children to have children, and I have a cat for choosing a cat.

In recent years, I have kept in touch with some interview objects. Some people have reunited with the previously troubled objects. Some people have married their new companions.At the same time, the external environment is changing, and the provinces have restricted restrictions on maternity registration, and there are many reports, but the guarantee for them is not enough.However, the hottest discussion in the group is how to prepare for a child in life.It is the most important thing to live a good life.

Next, I plan to continue reading the blog.Before studying, I would get along with my mother, write our life stories, and intend to do some support for the underlying women.They need help than elite women with more resources in the structure.Facing greater stigma, without strong economic capabilities, how do they live?Maybe you will abandon your children.The most important thing is how they turned like this.But I don’t want to think of them as victims, and I will see their autonomy, at least first.

(In order to protect privacy, the characters in the article are pseudonym, and the information of the pupa has been fuzzy. Some information comes from Gao Xiaojun’s thesis "Women’s Beauty? -Rested by Single Fertility and Gender", published in "Women’s Research Theory",No. 3, 2022.)

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